Part three

Went to Bella Napoli at the end of our street for pizza on our last night in Bangkok. Ordered 2 massive pizzas and I pretty much ate the whole thing. Delicious, but supremely, panfully filling. They were playing the Mr Bean movie on the tv screens in the restaurant. It was so funny. He got his nose hairs caught in a beard trimmer. Comedy gold. We started to get stares from the staff at about 10 PM and they were filling our glasses with wine at a rapid pace. As we walked out the restaurant. It was apparent that we were the last patrons there, they eat early over here. It was pissing down with rain as we left so it was a good thing that our hotel was a short 50m stroll from the restaurant. We kipped some hard steel on our last night in the pink room at Seven.

Got up at 4:30 to catch the plane to Koh Samui on Sunday morning because let’s face it I’m paranoid about being late and I believed them when we were told that we needed to be there 2 hours before for a domestic flight and that the taxi ride would take 1 hour. Turns out the taxi took 20 mins and we only needed to be there 30 minutes before the flight. Needless to say I’m stupid and  we were quite tired so I (alone) got a much needed snooze on the plane.

We arrived at Koh Samui on a beautiful day and paid too much for a cab to the resort from the airport. The Tongsai Bay resort did not disappoint. It is a beautiful place with its own small beach, 3 restaurants and 2 pools. One for the kids and another for the more mature traveller. The rooms are a good size and include a bath on the balcony overlooking the beach. You get taxied around by the friendly staff on golf buggies if you are too fat or lazy to walk. Turns out, that’s me. Stupid and lazy.

After setting in we went to the anti-child pool for a dip and then wandered down to one of the restaurants for some burgers, chips and a couple of deliciously refreshing Tom Collins cocktails. .

That night we booked in for our complimentary dinner at Chef Chom’s restaurant. The food was plentiful and I hadn’t let any go since I ate a couple of massive pizzas the night before. I was hurting when I left but still couldn’t push any out when I got home.

The next morning I woke to 3 children screaming, so I dropped them off at the pool and immediately felt a new found spring in my step. We wandered off for a big, varied resort-style breakfast of fresh fruit and croissants among other things. On the way out we spied some pancakes and earmarked them for tomorrow.

Wanting to explore the island a bit and avoid the nasty resort style taxi fares we hired a little jeep for the day and set off to the tourist heavy Chaweng beach. Along the way Sarah dropped our washing at a local tattoo parlour that also had a laundry service at one dollar fifty a kilo. We also put some petrol in the car at a little mum and dad bodyworks.

Arriving at Chaweng we walked the main strip. Dropping some pants into a tailor to be taken up and having a massage, which in comparison to our visit to the massage school at Wat Po a couple of days ago was a bit piss-weak. Although I must admit so am I. It was only a little wimper but they all laughed at the big Aussie man crying. The young lass kept stroking my beard to comfort me. It was a bit odd, but I let her have her fun. We grabbed some Haagen Daas Ice cream which tasted a bit odd. A bit like Bangkok.

We set off again to get away from the hustle and bustle of Chaweng and settled on a beach down the road called Coral Cove for a swim. We spied a big rock in the water that seemed like the best spot to wade out to and set up camp. Bad move. We both ended up getting our clothes all wet and I slipped on a slimey rock and cut the back of my leg and foot. Cried again. We eventually got all our stuff onto the aforementioned rock and we went for a swim for long enough for our clothes to dry off a bit. The water was nice and the scenery was beautiful but we kept feeling stung by invisible bugs in the water. No idea what they were but they didnt leave a mark so they couldn’t be too bad, right? We did a bit of sight seeing while sitting on our rock which included checking out a mssive Asian dude (sumo?) with the tiniest girlfriend and matching tiny dog under his arm. There was also a bit of boob watch going on, but not the good sort. Perhaps it was the massive woman-beast from the plane. Either way she should have kept her chunks under wraps.

We made it back from our rock island to the shore where we had a bite to eat sitting next to a couple of predictably irritating poms. Not the best start to the day ever. But still, we’re on holidays and the weather is good.

We jumped back in the car and went hunting for some elephants to ride. The Lonely Planet recommended riding elphants to Namueng falls, so that’s what we set out to find. They’ll be lonelier after that bit of crap advice. Passing up one dodgy Thai dude for another, we haggled an average price for what we thought was an elephant ride to some beautifully secluded falls.

In actual fact what we had paid for was some Thai guys to walk round with us on an elephant not unlike a pony ride at the show. He took a bunch of photos of us with my camera and told Sarah she looked like I’m in love with her. Then he led us through a group of elephants chained up to trees where we saw a baby being led along a path with its 2 front feet chained together so it had to hop to get anywhere. I don’t think it was fun for the little dumbo, and it pretty much ruined our walk around as it was quite apparent that this was a hugely touristy area where the animals were possibly not treated the best. Not to mention that there was also the option of playing paintball.

The falls were pretty unimpressive or so says my North Qld falls expert and the water was dirty. We didnt swim. We got the hell out of dodge and headed back to pick up the pants from Chaweng, the washing from the tattooist and the resort to treat some wounds and get clean.

I must have taken a wrong turn or two in the way home cause we got mighty lost trying to find the main strip on Chaweng again.

Begin Sarah’s contribution… “Sammi was furious. Sarah was patient and an excellent navigator.” End Sarah.

I kept my cool and we ended up finding the road again. Picked up the altered pants and headed for our washing as it started to rain.  I must have driven straight past the tattooist so we back-tracked and found that he had left our washing sitting on his front step in full view of the street. But it was still there so we slipped some baht under the front door and drove back to The Tongsai Bay.

We chilled out at home for a while and Sarah had a very inexpensive massage on the balcony. We bypassed the golf cart option and walked down the hill and accross the beach to “The Butler” international restaurant.

We sat under the full moon and enjoyed some food that looked better than it tasted. Still, it was quite tasty. We were alone in “The Butler” and so we used the empty space to fashion an impromptu dance floor. The staff thought it was a bit weird but we thought they were a bit weird too so it was ok for everyone.

We stopped by Floyd’s on the beach for a moment before calling a golf cart back up the hill to our villa. Happy full moon kids.

Tuesday morning we cashed in on those pancakes for breakfast. With bacon, banana and maple syrup they hit the spot.

We spendythe day lazing around the villa, reading books and listening to music, drinking G&Ts and ordering room service. I also made good use of the balcony tub.

I bought these mosquito repellant patches from Rays Outdoors before I left. They look like nicotine patches and you are supposed to put them on 2 hours before you go out and then leave them on, they are supposed to be effective for 36 hours.  The dude at the counter said they were great. Well, they might be if you don’t mind smelling like piss and tasting it in your mouth all day.  I had this thing on for about an hour before Sarah asked me if I had pissed myself in the tub. I blame the patch.

There is a two and a half hour massage treatment for two at the spa on the resort. I think that’s on the cards for this evening. Its a tough life.

S&S out.

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