Toilet paper here doesn’t belong in the toilet. It belongs in the
basket beside the toilet. The swoosher is where the real work is done.
Used properly it is an extremely effective tool. You can test how well
you have done with one sheet of paper. For the pros however, paper is
entirely unnecessary. I’m not yet a pro.
Sarah finds no sense for her Jane Austen sensibilities in this little
endeavour/challenge but it’s pretty funny listening to her try. Yelps
of outrage are coming from our bathroom.
Decided to ditch the Panviman Resort breakfast the next day and head
into the village instead. Kraft singles just weren’t cutting it. Went
to Bamboo Cafe againfor our third meal in a row. After nailing lunch
and dinner the day before, we thought that perhaps they could also
crack a decent egg and pancakes. Incorrect. Again we were reminded of
the old mantra, “When in Thai, eat Thai”. Chocolate pancakes existed
of a pancake with a side of nuttella and chocolate topping. Not ideal
but if block your nose you pretty much can’t taste anything.
There’s a dude in town that calls himself Mr Handsome. He has a joint
gasoline-laundry-sandwich-tshirt-24 hour taxi service. He must be very
handsome to pull that off. I bought a tshirt in the hope that of would
make me more handsome. I think its working.
We have a had a few more meals. Some by the pool at the resort, one
surprisingly great pizza at a place in the village called Mia and some
super cocktails at a new looking very western style bar called the
Luna lounge. There was a bar called the jungle bar having a pumping
house music party that night, but I think they misread their local
clientelle a bit, the fancy light show serviced a whopping 0 patrons.
We’re nearing the end of this leg of the trip and therefore the end of
our holiday so we decided to do a bit of sightseeing on the
surrounding islands. We have booked a snorkelling trip that visits Ko
Tao and ang thon. That’s for tomorrow. Today is for facials and
massages at the resort as the village has no power. It seems to happen
quite regularly. A dude/slave called “no” is coming to pick us up and
take us to the pier in the morning.
I saw a baby aligator today.
The biggest news is that I’m reading my first novel in a decade. Sarah’s influence is finally paying dividends. Needless to say I’m still fully abreast of Xbox news, but I’m also appreciating non-instant, printed media.
We spent a week on Koh Samui a little exiled at our fancy resort - fancy: another Clarke influence - lazing our way into a relaxation that can only be the product of sleeping over 10 hours a night. On Saturday we headed to Bo Phut so I could watch the Dockers get their Perth arses kicked at the Billabong surf club. We -hate- Perth. We - love- Hobart.
Sarah had a hamburger like her mum makes and was therefore distracted for the duration. I had some beer and fajitas.
Yesterday we packed up for Big Buddha Beach and caught a ferry to Koh Phangan, a less touristy version of Samui and only 30mins away.
We checked into the Panviman resort and fell in love with our 70s style wood panelled room with magnificent views of the ocean on one side and the sea on the other. We were greeted in spectacular fashion with twin frangiapani leis and a Happy Honeymoon cake. Sweet but not so tasty.
So my ‘bride’ and I shared what may have been the world’s worst pizza and awoke to banana pancakes with maple syrup and bacon. I’ve found that it doesn’t matter what they say before the word bacon as long as it’s being said.
Then we wandered into the village to get some laundry done and rented a kayak to get round the rocks to a beautiful and secluded beach before powering back for some lunch. Sarah steered the kayak and I was the motor. Some people are better at stuff than others.
We had a couple of Singhas at the Jungle Bar while I contemplated what sort of tattoo to get. Sorry mum, it won’t say ‘mum.’ Then on the pierced man’s recommendation we went to the Bamboo cafe for a laab and chicken fried rice. Best Thai food of the trip so far.
We’re now at the pool where Sarah has taught me a thing or two about how to chuck a frisbee and I’m going to finish the freakin Da Vinci Code, airport novel or not.
Sammi, pool side, out
Couldn’t book in for the spa treatment on Tuesday night, so we dropped
back in to Chef Chong’s restaurant for a more appropriately portioned
dinner. Sarah had some delicious Brazillian beef and I had chicken and
fish wrapped in thin omlette. It was pleasant but not spectacular. We
knocked back a couple of wines between Chong’s and Floyd’s and then
retired for the night.
The next day we had the breakfast thing nailed. There is a very over
enthusiastic woman who cuts fresh fruit and makes juices. I don’t
think she is all there as no one can be that in love with fruit
cutting. Today she had a buddy with her who is even weirder. They both
stand at the entrance to the breakfast area soliciting people to eat
more fruit. Its cute, in a floppy newborn puppy sort of way, the sort
of puppy that you’re not sure uses its brain yet. I think they believe
that everyone they convince to take fruit, scores a win for their
weird cause.
After brekky we hired a snorkle set and a small catamaran. After a
short lesson in which ropes to pull, we went sailing in the bay. There
wasn’t much wind so it was pretty slow going most of the time and the
only thing that was under the water was sand, so the snorkelling was
short lived and boring, but it was great to be out in the boat. The
water is beautiful and its really peaceful and relaxing floating
around in the sun. I have to admit i enjoyed more than one
Hasselhoffian moment. Hasselhoff in a cowboy hat. We must have been
out there for 2 or 3 hours. I gave Sarah a job which she would have
excelled at if it had been to scratch the shit out of her own arm!!
She was well prepared for us to capsize at any moment, spending most
of the journey flat out. Literally. Pretty but fairly unhelpful. But
we made it back to shore safe, happy and sunburned. I’m an awesome
sailor, like a fat pop-eye, but I’ve substituted spinach for pizza.
After returning the boat and having ‘a bit if a paddle’ in the ocean.
We had pizza and a prawn & mango salad for lunch on the beach at
Floyd’s. The salad was ok. The pizza was bad. A bit like a defrosted
Maggi, note to self: when in Thailand, order Thai food.
And then for our “Return to Prahna” spa treatment that we had managed
to book in the day before. It was two and a half hours of couple-
specific pampering.
We were greeted at the spa and offered some cold water and wet towels
before being escourted to our treatment area when we donned some paper
pants and hopped in a super-hot sauna, showered in rain water, were
scrubbed with dirt and peanut like stuff, had a rose petal milk bath
and a long massage. The highlight was definitely the tropical storm
that thundered on us in the open air bath. Not even I, master planner,
could have contrived that one. Magic. We had then returned to
Prahna . . . Apparently.
When we left the spa, the light outside was amazing. It was that post-
thunderstorm in the sunset light that doesn’t last long, but makes
every photo picture-perfect. .
We were a little dazed and taken by the light and the pampereing, so
the only thing to do was knock back a couple of curries and Long
Island ice teas and go to sleep.
Today we may head over to the Big Buddha beach to see if we can get a
great meal. Jeeps, scooters or a cab is the biggest decision we will
have to make today.
Went to Bella Napoli at the end of our street for pizza on our last night in Bangkok. Ordered 2 massive pizzas and I pretty much ate the whole thing. Delicious, but supremely, panfully filling. They were playing the Mr Bean movie on the tv screens in the restaurant. It was so funny. He got his nose hairs caught in a beard trimmer. Comedy gold. We started to get stares from the staff at about 10 PM and they were filling our glasses with wine at a rapid pace. As we walked out the restaurant. It was apparent that we were the last patrons there, they eat early over here. It was pissing down with rain as we left so it was a good thing that our hotel was a short 50m stroll from the restaurant. We kipped some hard steel on our last night in the pink room at Seven.
Got up at 4:30 to catch the plane to Koh Samui on Sunday morning because let’s face it I’m paranoid about being late and I believed them when we were told that we needed to be there 2 hours before for a domestic flight and that the taxi ride would take 1 hour. Turns out the taxi took 20 mins and we only needed to be there 30 minutes before the flight. Needless to say I’m stupid and we were quite tired so I (alone) got a much needed snooze on the plane.
We arrived at Koh Samui on a beautiful day and paid too much for a cab to the resort from the airport. The Tongsai Bay resort did not disappoint. It is a beautiful place with its own small beach, 3 restaurants and 2 pools. One for the kids and another for the more mature traveller. The rooms are a good size and include a bath on the balcony overlooking the beach. You get taxied around by the friendly staff on golf buggies if you are too fat or lazy to walk. Turns out, that’s me. Stupid and lazy.
After setting in we went to the anti-child pool for a dip and then wandered down to one of the restaurants for some burgers, chips and a couple of deliciously refreshing Tom Collins cocktails. .
That night we booked in for our complimentary dinner at Chef Chom’s restaurant. The food was plentiful and I hadn’t let any go since I ate a couple of massive pizzas the night before. I was hurting when I left but still couldn’t push any out when I got home.
The next morning I woke to 3 children screaming, so I dropped them off at the pool and immediately felt a new found spring in my step. We wandered off for a big, varied resort-style breakfast of fresh fruit and croissants among other things. On the way out we spied some pancakes and earmarked them for tomorrow.
Wanting to explore the island a bit and avoid the nasty resort style taxi fares we hired a little jeep for the day and set off to the tourist heavy Chaweng beach. Along the way Sarah dropped our washing at a local tattoo parlour that also had a laundry service at one dollar fifty a kilo. We also put some petrol in the car at a little mum and dad bodyworks.
Arriving at Chaweng we walked the main strip. Dropping some pants into a tailor to be taken up and having a massage, which in comparison to our visit to the massage school at Wat Po a couple of days ago was a bit piss-weak. Although I must admit so am I. It was only a little wimper but they all laughed at the big Aussie man crying. The young lass kept stroking my beard to comfort me. It was a bit odd, but I let her have her fun. We grabbed some Haagen Daas Ice cream which tasted a bit odd. A bit like Bangkok.
We set off again to get away from the hustle and bustle of Chaweng and settled on a beach down the road called Coral Cove for a swim. We spied a big rock in the water that seemed like the best spot to wade out to and set up camp. Bad move. We both ended up getting our clothes all wet and I slipped on a slimey rock and cut the back of my leg and foot. Cried again. We eventually got all our stuff onto the aforementioned rock and we went for a swim for long enough for our clothes to dry off a bit. The water was nice and the scenery was beautiful but we kept feeling stung by invisible bugs in the water. No idea what they were but they didnt leave a mark so they couldn’t be too bad, right? We did a bit of sight seeing while sitting on our rock which included checking out a mssive Asian dude (sumo?) with the tiniest girlfriend and matching tiny dog under his arm. There was also a bit of boob watch going on, but not the good sort. Perhaps it was the massive woman-beast from the plane. Either way she should have kept her chunks under wraps.
We made it back from our rock island to the shore where we had a bite to eat sitting next to a couple of predictably irritating poms. Not the best start to the day ever. But still, we’re on holidays and the weather is good.
We jumped back in the car and went hunting for some elephants to ride. The Lonely Planet recommended riding elphants to Namueng falls, so that’s what we set out to find. They’ll be lonelier after that bit of crap advice. Passing up one dodgy Thai dude for another, we haggled an average price for what we thought was an elephant ride to some beautifully secluded falls.
In actual fact what we had paid for was some Thai guys to walk round with us on an elephant not unlike a pony ride at the show. He took a bunch of photos of us with my camera and told Sarah she looked like I’m in love with her. Then he led us through a group of elephants chained up to trees where we saw a baby being led along a path with its 2 front feet chained together so it had to hop to get anywhere. I don’t think it was fun for the little dumbo, and it pretty much ruined our walk around as it was quite apparent that this was a hugely touristy area where the animals were possibly not treated the best. Not to mention that there was also the option of playing paintball.
The falls were pretty unimpressive or so says my North Qld falls expert and the water was dirty. We didnt swim. We got the hell out of dodge and headed back to pick up the pants from Chaweng, the washing from the tattooist and the resort to treat some wounds and get clean.
I must have taken a wrong turn or two in the way home cause we got mighty lost trying to find the main strip on Chaweng again.
Begin Sarah’s contribution… “Sammi was furious. Sarah was patient and an excellent navigator.” End Sarah.
I kept my cool and we ended up finding the road again. Picked up the altered pants and headed for our washing as it started to rain. I must have driven straight past the tattooist so we back-tracked and found that he had left our washing sitting on his front step in full view of the street. But it was still there so we slipped some baht under the front door and drove back to The Tongsai Bay.
We chilled out at home for a while and Sarah had a very inexpensive massage on the balcony. We bypassed the golf cart option and walked down the hill and accross the beach to “The Butler” international restaurant.
We sat under the full moon and enjoyed some food that looked better than it tasted. Still, it was quite tasty. We were alone in “The Butler” and so we used the empty space to fashion an impromptu dance floor. The staff thought it was a bit weird but we thought they were a bit weird too so it was ok for everyone.
We stopped by Floyd’s on the beach for a moment before calling a golf cart back up the hill to our villa. Happy full moon kids.
Tuesday morning we cashed in on those pancakes for breakfast. With bacon, banana and maple syrup they hit the spot.
We spendythe day lazing around the villa, reading books and listening to music, drinking G&Ts and ordering room service. I also made good use of the balcony tub.
I bought these mosquito repellant patches from Rays Outdoors before I left. They look like nicotine patches and you are supposed to put them on 2 hours before you go out and then leave them on, they are supposed to be effective for 36 hours. The dude at the counter said they were great. Well, they might be if you don’t mind smelling like piss and tasting it in your mouth all day. I had this thing on for about an hour before Sarah asked me if I had pissed myself in the tub. I blame the patch.
There is a two and a half hour massage treatment for two at the spa on the resort. I think that’s on the cards for this evening. Its a tough life.
S&S out.
really wanted eggs for brekky this morning, feeling a bit seedy from the Tiger longnecks the night before. At 3 dollars a pop Aussie I thought they were a bit steep but we were in tourist central last night so we copped it.
Went to a place down the road called the Tamarind cafe for breakfast. We got the recommendation out of the Bangkok 101 book in our hotel room and it didn’t disappoint. 1 Banana pancake and a 3 egg omlette later we were spent and ready for some traditional Thai massage.
We grabbed a cab to the Wat Po temple which incidentally has the largest reclining buddah in the world couped up in a building with about 77 little tins that you are supposed to put 1 cent donations in. Interesting. But not as interesting as the one hour massages we got for 10 bucks. I think the little dude that was doing mine might have been up for it. He spent a good portion of that hour working on my ass. If you ask me, my ass was already pretty loose. Not in that way.
After loosenting up we caught a long boat down the river to the Penninsula hotel for a round of high tea. It was pleasant, and probably the most expensive meal we will eat here at around 80 bucks. Although it did include a round of scotch. It was plentiful and delicious.
Now just lying back in the hotel after a short kip about to head down the end of the street where Bella Napoli is supposed to serve one of the best Italian meals in Bangkok. You can’t eat Thai the whole time. Pizza calls.
Up at 4:30 am tomorrow to fly to Koh Samui. Ouch.
